Managing Conflict (Rules of Engagement)

The Rules of Engagement - Pat Heim

• Avoid defensiveness (both parties)
• Actively listen
• Paraphrase (proves one has listened)
• Legitimize the other person's point of view
• Description versus evaluation
• Focus on the future
• Direct versus Indirect (why versus help me understand)
• Style flex
• Content conflict (about some fact) versus Relationship conflict
• Solve relationship conflict first if both 
• Chip theory - reinforcement and chip deficit
• Effective conflict resolution brings about strengthening of relationship
• The way a team becomes cohesive is through conflict
• Men have learned to deal with conflict through competition (team sports)
• Two-chair study - male versus female